grrrrr’bage

umphh. I just couldn’t take it.  Couldn’t drop it either. 20 feet away, in front of me, was a burger stall. The burger dude was frying away. o yes he was. I could smell the burning meat soaked in boiling butter, and that oh so hot chilly sauce. My tummy was cursing at me. (get that burger u expletive-driven nut head !!) I could hear them loud and clear. But i just walked off. why? Why didn’t i go get the burger? I wasn’t ignorant, nor am a sadist. Burger to me is like honey to… umm.. to peop.. arr… people.. who like honey. I adore burgers. I worship burgers. I thank god for burgers, and i eat them without mercy. But i wasn’t in the mood for any today, and why was that ? You may ask and I will tell you why. Even if i bought the burger, i definitely couldn’t eat it. I wouldn’t be able to bite even the slightest of chunks the little bugger could offer me, nor would i be able to consumingly chew on the midget i took.

Well, it was all because of a little wound in my lower lips. I - kind-of- bit my lips, accidentally (obviously) .  But wait a sec.  How self scrutinizingly clumsy of me to be able to bite my own lips. I’m not a boxer or some wrestler, or something to be able to bite my own lips. It hurts, and it bleeds, and worse of all, u wouldn’t be able to eat your favorite food even when its right in front of you.
So, how the hell did i injure my lips. Well, got to admit it once in a while, right? I was eating lunch 1 fine afternoon, and i had to rush through my food. I’m a notoriously slow eater, so i had to speed up my swallowing. Everyone seemed to have a problem with my slow eating, despite me having all the time in the world. I like to eat slow. Its irritating, but its worth every bit. I have a super speed brain, but I’m not gifted with super fast tongue and receptors. Its the only way i get to enjoy the richness in the food,and all the other aesthetics that come with it.

We tend to disregard the process of using our own natural mechanisms a lot. As a matter of fact, most of us prefer to swallow our eggs than chew them, and enjoy it with a sadistic grin, while admiring the beauty of life which gifted us with a helpless squat-sized bird who could only watch and throw out gallons of curse in a style so weird in delivery and short in terms of the time-in-between-loop-repeats; so much so that it sounds as if she is choking and chuckling while we take her egg; which she earned through a priceless process of growing up-flirting-you naughty you-pushing-and incubating; and hard boil it.

Why the hurry? All that preparation, salt, sugar, oil, dishes, sauces, soy, tomatoes , pepper, herbs, spices, and all just for a 2 minute gulp-and-leave ? Might as well crack the egg on the side of ur table, and pour the god-damn pre-chick into your mouth. It is faster right?

You have to be one flimsy ol’ bastard to say that you’ve never done it.
Look at you. I bet your proud of yourself right now, aren’t you.?

So who designed this ideology? Painstakingly sit in front of a television set, (i know most of you guys hate t.v, right?) and watch queers teach you how to boil a buffalo. Then re-use what you learned to a 60% perfection and give it to your tubby child to jam it down his stomach without a single effort.

I like mushrooms. I like the smell. It smells like boiled snails, and i wouldn’t blame you if you thought you saw a snail snugged in your fresh steamed rice, cause those little bastards (the black colored ones) do seem like that. I don’t care about what the rest of you think, but I thoroughly show my utmost respect to the man or women or (hehe) who never gave up in ensuring that an ugly, weird looking allegedly poisonous  plant could actually be consumed  by you, me, and even them (hehe) when boiled and cooked and cleansed in the right way.

And so on. My respects and complete attention also to the very person who looked at a chicken, or in some regions, an ostrich, and decided to place their hands below its rear and eat whatever that came out of its rear. Thank god. Something hard, oval, embossedly-light-brown, and filled with white and yellow liquid came out. Try imagining if it was the animal’s lunch that spewed out? We’d be having hard boiled crap for breakfast, shit banjo as substitutes to burgers, and scrambled diarrhea for dinner. Cakes would smell like toilets, and swallowing food sounds like flushing.

What about cows? Some genius decides to pull those dangling suckles hanging down its abdomen, and voila ! You just found dairy. He has to be thankful for it being a cow, and not a bull. Had it been a bull, the consequences would  have definitely been both humiliating and suicidal.

So, back to the mushrooms. I love them. We all love them. You’ve never tried them? Shame on you. Come on.

Ok. I’ll tell you something. Try making a dish of mixed vegetables. You boil your ingredients-being- beans,carrots,green peas(damn), and maybe some of that flowery veggies, or a couple of potatoes. And so, you have them cooked, add some salt, some pepper, chilly, onions (hopefully), and some soy sauce. You’ll start to realize an appetizing smell holding your nose into captivity. Then, just bull shit all that nice work by chucking a bowl full of tap water soaked black mushrooms, or the dark brown types. Stir it, and turn the flame down. There goes that spicy-veggie-lovey dovey- pepper driven- aroma into the drain. Take a spoon full of the vegg u just cooked and take a good look at it. Looks all mushy and and typically veggie right ? Taste it. God-damned it even tastes mushy. There is a somewhat creamy feeling when you chew them, and the after taste is even badder. Feels like you just swallowed a slug. A pregnant one.

So as I’m saying. Mushrooms are bad for you. Not just you. Me too. Stop over pricing them-heck- don’t even sell those things. They aren’t good.

Wait a minute. Hold on for while. What did you say? So, you think we should eat mushrooms because they are good for us and we should not bother about the shitty taste, because the nutritional values of the food, largely outweighs its annoying smell and test?

If its nutritious values matter so much , then use some kind of bio-technical method and extract its nutrients, and inject them into me. I prefer it that way. Asking me to chew and taste, and swallow something that doesn’t taste nice (i have the rights to say something tastes bad because that is what my tongue does) is an offense to me. Its like degrading the very existence of my tounges, and taste buds, its ignorant of our gifts, ignorant of  nature’s balance for  harmony.

i used to be toy. What? A toy. U know. A toy. U say What? I say toy. Why? toy. I said toy; did’nt I? Toy. I used to be a toy.

sing along wit me. shut up. her me now. Hw do most of us listen 2 songs? take a look at urself, (no.nt in da mirror) look inside. are u a music addict? or r u jz,simply,frankly a [expletive]in "join da club" wannabe who only listens-considers gud music and song as a song dat gains multiple air time on a radio,gets remixed too many times,n used as da title for a various artist album such as hitz of da year and so and so and so. most of u gotta agree to hav done it rite, so eat dirt punkz, i’m bout 2 unwind… i dun like it. i’ll b frank aight.

Y? dun u bastards, knw how 2 sit down, shut up, free ur mind n listen , jz listen quietly 2 a song from 0.00 till "track is over sucka" period ?! who instilled u dudes as grand master of song critic, so much so as u bastards get da rites 2 say "alla, lagu tak sedap lar, tukar tukar" or "dei !! what song lar this? nt nice. change lar" even bfor da intro jingles die out n da singer starts singin? i ,mean , dats like jz da 1st couple of seconds into a new song !! [expletive] !!!

music is kinda like cross country n faceless rite? isn gud music supposed 2 make a gud song? i knw, i knw, very corny words, funny lyrics, synonyms, rhymes, n all those shakespear shit, bt hei ,we cn all read n write 2 a [expletive]ing level, bt u’ll need a master composer 2 make corny dialogs into a number 1 single.
bt wait a minute. hw? it seems like an impossible task, since some dudes, go like "o my god!! dun play dat song lar, i cudn take it!! my head gonna xplode lar !!!" even b4 da song gets away, n watz freaky is dat da [expletive]er has nvr listened 2 da song properly b4. so hw do u know dat its nt good? no patience.

hw do u listen 2 a song? do i have 2 teach? am i running sad_rap day care ? ok listen up. find a good headphone, no, nt da ear plug type, bt da ear enveloping type coz u need bass . if ur nt into headphones[which is pretty weird] get a good sound system, sumthin like a 2.1 is gud enough. then, play da song frm ur music source. rule no.1 ,keep quite. relax. breath deeply. keep ur hands in ur pocket [guys cn go buzy]. listen till the song ends, meaning, u shouldn b able 2 hear anythin anymore. 1ce done. go take a crap, eat, or  do sumthin else.  then listen 2 da song again. da first try was 2 get u used 2 da tune, musical arrangement, style n all those complicating musicy shit. the  2nd listenin  gets u familiarized wit da song. its only then, dat ur s’pposed 2 judge da song. it takes time, it takes patience, n i guess, it jz takes talent 2 b able 2 appreciate n differentiate gud songs . 4 those of u who cant, sorry 2 say, bt u guys can go have an ice cream. ur done.

i recently came across a dude who said dat he doesn’t like songs dat are 2 melodious. ?? what?? ?? i’m confused. u dun like songs dat r 2 melodious? ok. lets take da melody out. dat leaves wit? words. a lecture. an artist reading a poem loudly. is dat a song? u dun like melody. well, i’m sorry, bt simply said, u dunno wat is a song. i played n arabic song. there is a language barrier. i admit dat. bt what makes da song so useless in such a way dat it cud giv sum listeners headache, b4 the 1st 4 seconds of da song?
u guys, seriously need a re-vamp. re make ur ear, or ur rear; i dunno. bt patience is da key. if u listen half way into a song simply bcoz u were buzy talking away while da song waz playin, then u dun hav da rights 2 say dat da song isn nice n u wanna another song. listen 2 ur ears n nt 2 other ears arite. dun have 2 fall down in respect 2 a song dat suckz, simply bcoz its da current "it" song aight.

yeah. i cud see da red-faced guilty looks already. keep it comin.
keep it real

boredom suckzzzz. gotta admit it 1ce in a while rite.  so here me now. tuesday was as borin as an arsenal-chelsea match, so me, me bro, n me franz, dJ jeg n Mix Master Spade decided 2 go 2 sum medan selera place n jz hang out, pop a couple of drinks n all. they had cute waiters, so itz kinda worth the drive there, although it was preety crappy n ‘ as i said, boredom creepz in. so v drink, n stare at free space b4 straining out every single blu note [1 ringgit 2 ma homies bakk in malaysia] and argue bout which bastard havin 2 pay n who gets 2 call da waiter n shit like dat. so, 1ce we’re done itz off 2 da wheelz, jz loiterin around driving thru frenly neighbourhoods and blastin khalbali !! on the sub standard audio jamz. up until like 12.45, it was typical shity moment 4 da 4 of uz. cudn figure out wat 2 do, da bhangra songs were irritating, n we didn hav any spray canz, 2 beautify newly built telekom communications boards.
so then came da moment of brilliance. vocal maestro musang p gashy, showed us da lite. seeing a trash can placed outside a hse somewhere along padang tyembak, our adrenaline was startin 2 pump blood [bloody n\blood] it was drivin me nutz !! wat da {expletive} was wrong wit dis ppl ?!! where was their civic mindedness? every1 knows dat when u place a big black plastic trash bin outside ur home without any protective metal casing dat holds it, there will some stray dogs/ cats/ bears or any [expletive]ed up psycho pathic animal, [ or in this case 4 psychopathic homo sapz] who mite turn it upside down , or open da cover and dig 4 food, or maybe even shift it 2 another location !!!
so u c.. dJ grrr’bage n crew was inna da mood 4 a garbage parade. it was simply our way of instilling civic n moral conciseness  into the minds of hse wifes n over weight hubbies who place their trash cans overly stretched outside their sweet homes without a protective metal cage , thus leaving them exposed 2 da dangers of intoxication on other residence; who r jz akin 4 a gud nite’s rest ! so u c again, we’re nt vandalizing anythin, o no we’re nt sir, we’re jz punishing those who fail 2 obey da rules of proper garbage disposal. as simple as dat.

s0 here goes. da moment of truth. the nex statement dat u r about 2 read in a blog dat nvr existed, was written by no one n posted by sumthin dat nvr exists. it is a statement of sumthin that nvr happened and nor should it b ever talked about, bcoz, it nvr happened. u hay ??

so we saw da [expletive]ing trash bin sittin quietly, mindin its own business, playin wit its own flies, doin nothin important outside da hse near da stretch of padang tyembak. nothing doing rite ? wrong !! vocal mastar musang slowly turns off da head lights, n creeps da grr mobile closer 2 da trash can, dJ jeg winds down, n bends outside jz enough 2 giv da homies a lesson in learnin, tip da shit over n , wind up, n drive off. bt it was 4 starters. jz da type of shit 4 lollipop suckerz n kidz.

i wz hungry, n i cud betcha 4 ringgit dat me homies were 2. so we drive on. n nder da name of lawsuits n lawbreakers, we see another bastard having left his trash bin 2 close 2 da road. nw i’ll tell u again, n i can tell time and time again n again ( [expletive] ! ) i was [expletive]ing pissed man !! wat da [expletive] do u think- goin all aroun n jz puttin ur rubbish n shit wherever u wan like itz ur granma’s land.

so we inch closer 2 da culprit. i wind my window down , and turn 2 ma left. and there it was. standin 3 feet high, black, wet, stinkin, hoodless, cylinder like fat piece of rubbish bin bastard of a [expletive]in trash bin !!

lean over n grab a hold of da lil [expletive]er, giv ma co-driver (which so happens 2 b me bro) da finger n we drive. i cud tell u da thing stinks. n dun u dare say dat i’m juz hyperbolically over reacting 2 rotten dinner, coz i was holding it so damn cloze 2 my nose wit da window down, n da car movin, n da wind helpin da [expletive]ing smell get into ma nostrils. i’ll tell u a lil secret. hse number 34, tmn jaya, padang tembak = dudes been eating left over curry fish for a week. dun ask hw i know. i juz know. k.

so we went on drivin, wit a stinkin shitty trash bin hangin from da window, figurin watta do wit da black [expletive]er v caught off-guard. n dat was when v came thru dis cute hse, jz 1 1/2 blocks away from da offendin hse. didn hav any trash binz outside itz home. seemingly, all 4 of uz cud understand da pain it goes thru. hw wud u feel, if u cudn dispose ur rubbish hah ??!!! think bout it !! so i giv them a lil present . we drop of da black bastard we caught at da hse behind. and drive on.

nw.. i;ll tell y’all sumtin horny. wat we did, we did coz u guyz n galz (no pun intended) dun dare do it, n i’ll tel u another, we be doin it till we feel a change inna da system dat created da reasons 4 us to do it, n u cn b goin on n on bout wat we do n tell all u otha franz bout we doin it, bt all i want u 2 remeber iz dat it never happened . k/

i’ll bet u 2 horses n a errrr… cow, dat it wasn da end of shit. o no it aint. 1 housin area done, we move on. there is more. civilization happened did it dawg, so we cn find culprits n wrong doers every where. y even u cud b caught 1 day. so dun make da mistake of thinkin dat ur safe. son. i’m dJ garbage. i’m nt alone. ur nt gonna b alone for long. wan sum company? i gotta black stinkin, 3 feet, fat fren wantin 2 say hi. so , if u believe in karma n knw ur limits, u’ve been warned bout turnin ur lites off when its nite. its nt over. we’re nt retaliating, we’re nt giving orderrs, we aren’t rebels,dis aint rang de basanthi,n we aren’t tryin 2 make dis a better place. we’re jz punishing.

apologies if u been done

don’t call us animals (watch da lenguage [expletive]er. who u callin an animal?])
we prefer 2 b addressed as psychopaths, in da same group as hannibal lecter n mark anthony.

if there is a problem we solve, if we dun, v resolve in 1

till then………….

keep it real