speed
umphh. I just couldn’t take it. Couldn’t drop it either. 20 feet away, in front of me, was a burger stall. The burger dude was frying away. o yes he was. I could smell the burning meat soaked in boiling butter, and that oh so hot chilly sauce. My tummy was cursing at me. (get that burger u expletive-driven nut head !!) I could hear them loud and clear. But i just walked off. why? Why didn’t i go get the burger? I wasn’t ignorant, nor am a sadist. Burger to me is like honey to… umm.. to peop.. arr… people.. who like honey. I adore burgers. I worship burgers. I thank god for burgers, and i eat them without mercy. But i wasn’t in the mood for any today, and why was that ? You may ask and I will tell you why. Even if i bought the burger, i definitely couldn’t eat it. I wouldn’t be able to bite even the slightest of chunks the little bugger could offer me, nor would i be able to consumingly chew on the midget i took.
Well, it was all because of a little wound in my lower lips. I - kind-of- bit my lips, accidentally (obviously) . But wait a sec. How self scrutinizingly clumsy of me to be able to bite my own lips. I’m not a boxer or some wrestler, or something to be able to bite my own lips. It hurts, and it bleeds, and worse of all, u wouldn’t be able to eat your favorite food even when its right in front of you.
So, how the hell did i injure my lips. Well, got to admit it once in a while, right? I was eating lunch 1 fine afternoon, and i had to rush through my food. I’m a notoriously slow eater, so i had to speed up my swallowing. Everyone seemed to have a problem with my slow eating, despite me having all the time in the world. I like to eat slow. Its irritating, but its worth every bit. I have a super speed brain, but I’m not gifted with super fast tongue and receptors. Its the only way i get to enjoy the richness in the food,and all the other aesthetics that come with it.
We tend to disregard the process of using our own natural mechanisms a lot. As a matter of fact, most of us prefer to swallow our eggs than chew them, and enjoy it with a sadistic grin, while admiring the beauty of life which gifted us with a helpless squat-sized bird who could only watch and throw out gallons of curse in a style so weird in delivery and short in terms of the time-in-between-loop-repeats; so much so that it sounds as if she is choking and chuckling while we take her egg; which she earned through a priceless process of growing up-flirting-you naughty you-pushing-and incubating; and hard boil it.
Why the hurry? All that preparation, salt, sugar, oil, dishes, sauces, soy, tomatoes , pepper, herbs, spices, and all just for a 2 minute gulp-and-leave ? Might as well crack the egg on the side of ur table, and pour the god-damn pre-chick into your mouth. It is faster right?
You have to be one flimsy ol’ bastard to say that you’ve never done it.
Look at you. I bet your proud of yourself right now, aren’t you.?
So who designed this ideology? Painstakingly sit in front of a television set, (i know most of you guys hate t.v, right?) and watch queers teach you how to boil a buffalo. Then re-use what you learned to a 60% perfection and give it to your tubby child to jam it down his stomach without a single effort.
I like mushrooms. I like the smell. It smells like boiled snails, and i wouldn’t blame you if you thought you saw a snail snugged in your fresh steamed rice, cause those little bastards (the black colored ones) do seem like that. I don’t care about what the rest of you think, but I thoroughly show my utmost respect to the man or women or (hehe) who never gave up in ensuring that an ugly, weird looking allegedly poisonous plant could actually be consumed by you, me, and even them (hehe) when boiled and cooked and cleansed in the right way.
And so on. My respects and complete attention also to the very person who looked at a chicken, or in some regions, an ostrich, and decided to place their hands below its rear and eat whatever that came out of its rear. Thank god. Something hard, oval, embossedly-light-brown, and filled with white and yellow liquid came out. Try imagining if it was the animal’s lunch that spewed out? We’d be having hard boiled crap for breakfast, shit banjo as substitutes to burgers, and scrambled diarrhea for dinner. Cakes would smell like toilets, and swallowing food sounds like flushing.
What about cows? Some genius decides to pull those dangling suckles hanging down its abdomen, and voila ! You just found dairy. He has to be thankful for it being a cow, and not a bull. Had it been a bull, the consequences would have definitely been both humiliating and suicidal.
So, back to the mushrooms. I love them. We all love them. You’ve never tried them? Shame on you. Come on.
Ok. I’ll tell you something. Try making a dish of mixed vegetables. You boil your ingredients-being- beans,carrots,green peas(damn), and maybe some of that flowery veggies, or a couple of potatoes. And so, you have them cooked, add some salt, some pepper, chilly, onions (hopefully), and some soy sauce. You’ll start to realize an appetizing smell holding your nose into captivity. Then, just bull shit all that nice work by chucking a bowl full of tap water soaked black mushrooms, or the dark brown types. Stir it, and turn the flame down. There goes that spicy-veggie-lovey dovey- pepper driven- aroma into the drain. Take a spoon full of the vegg u just cooked and take a good look at it. Looks all mushy and and typically veggie right ? Taste it. God-damned it even tastes mushy. There is a somewhat creamy feeling when you chew them, and the after taste is even badder. Feels like you just swallowed a slug. A pregnant one.
So as I’m saying. Mushrooms are bad for you. Not just you. Me too. Stop over pricing them-heck- don’t even sell those things. They aren’t good.
Wait a minute. Hold on for while. What did you say? So, you think we should eat mushrooms because they are good for us and we should not bother about the shitty taste, because the nutritional values of the food, largely outweighs its annoying smell and test?
If its nutritious values matter so much , then use some kind of bio-technical method and extract its nutrients, and inject them into me. I prefer it that way. Asking me to chew and taste, and swallow something that doesn’t taste nice (i have the rights to say something tastes bad because that is what my tongue does) is an offense to me. Its like degrading the very existence of my tounges, and taste buds, its ignorant of our gifts, ignorant of nature’s balance for harmony.
i used to be toy. What? A toy. U know. A toy. U say What? I say toy. Why? toy. I said toy; did’nt I? Toy. I used to be a toy.
